


Green

by ghosthyear



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, First War with Voldemort, M/M, Marauders' Era, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 23:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4369019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosthyear/pseuds/ghosthyear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble, Sirius does not believe in a greater good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Green

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tumblr prompt #5- "You need to wake up because I can't do this without you."  
> Takes place October 31st, during the first war. Non-graphic mention of death.

Sirius does not believe in a greater good. Sirius is a selfish bastard who never quite lost his Black upbringing, who traded his friend’s life the moment he got the chance.

And as he stands, smoke rising high into the air, he can pretend it’s the soot coating his lungs that cause streaks down his face. He can pretend it’s a stick and not a picture frame that crack under his feet and he can imagine the walls, merely under renovation, have flakes of paint not ash falling free. Lily had been complaining about the wallpaper for ages. 

Sirius is a very, very bad man, and he does not reach out for Harry, sitting up crying in his crib. He does not brush Lily’s hair from her face, wand still clutched. Muggles are coming out of their houses, the smoke and noise waking them. Soon, police of both worlds will come, and Sirius will be found with charcoal on his hands and a misplaced secret in his heart. 

He walks past the nursery, looking back at Harry once more. He didn't have enough time to teach Harry just how cruel this world is to innocence, a lesson best taught young, and he hopes Dumbledore will be kind enough to save this story until he’s older. He hopes they take care of Harry well, and he knows Remus will not be around for any of it.

Sirius steps on ash and fire and doesn't brush off pieces that land in his hair, on his clothes. Sirius lives in a gasoline-lit lie. 

James is laid half-covered by a fallen bookcase, hands empty and clenched into fists. He’s wearing his favorite socks, jack-o-lantern as a golden snitch, and Sirius remembers the night he got them, teasing Remus mercilessly for giving socks as a birthday present and wearing them a week straight. Sirius smiles, smoke spluttering his speech as he casts a patronus, a faint white dog standing in piles of burnt books. 

He does not say, sorry, does not try to explain. Remus is the odd one out, left from important missions and not trusted with top information. They said it was because he had harder work, connecting with others of his kind, but Sirius remembers the glances as he curled his hand into Remus’s. 

Sirens start in the far distance, and Sirius sees a shadow of a man crossing between streetlights, nose wrinkling from the smoke.. He touches James, just once, brushing his eyes closed, and walks back past the nursery and Lily and Harry, his cries beginning again once he sees Sirius. Pafoo he calls, growing louder as Sirius steps back through the front door. 

He sees Peter crossing another streetlight, cloak pulled tight over his head, and Sirius turns back to his patronus, ghostly paws stepping easily over rubble. 

You need to wake up, because I can’t do this without you. He whispers, thinking Home and the wolf runs, fading quickly beneath streetlights and stars.

Sirius is a selfish bastard, and he will always remember Peter’s face as a jet of green light surges forward.


End file.
